Blue Solace
I sit here this morning as the sun rises outside my windows. There is small haze still in the air as the suns warmth rejuvenates the mother earth. The sky is a blue that many artists strive to copy but can only live within our memory. The green grass screams with life that pulses pure energy to all who will receive. Yes, I am moving again into a poetic mode! It is a day of hope. I sit typing and a bird sat on the branch before me. Vivid yellows, the gold finch stares telling me to start anew today.
I still amaze myself that I forget the consciences of deep healing. Once embarked upon the euphoria that comes through after the storm is amazing. Funny, I keep forgetting the plummet afterwards!!!! This last week of not working was one such week. Employment has an amazing quality to allow us to create a wall between the healing and ourselves. I had no such wall this week. I went through total ethereal floating to depths of dark caverns of pain. No focus on the day each second meddled with the day, the year.... eternity. Prayer was useless I felt alone and lost. The marathon started as I ran to old friends to receive comfort. The need to be told how beautiful I am, to be desired, recognition for my intelligence, the ego ran full out as I bolt from my truth. Spiritual healing is a funny thing. Just when we think we should be our closest to the Divine essence we fall to our most basic human self. Sundays seem to be my day of discovery. Filled with the deep understanding of my actions of the last week I floated in and out of balance. The day was a reflection of my emotional quality. Dark, black and heavy clouds threatened and suddenly the small ray of the sun would pierce the dense quality that loomed over head, slowly giving way to the blue of a vision. Light and open the pain floats to the sky received into the gentle palm of the all knowing. This happened at least 4 or 5 times yesterday. I can only think of Christ as he journeyed through the desert before he surrendered to his destiny. The why and how runs through our brain while the heart screams to be heard. A division so tragic as both cry for attention and love. The mental demanding to be controller and the heart gently pulsing its message through the body so strong that it draws the dense dark clouds closer to the surface threatening a hurricane in the soul. Release, tears, confession to one we love: only then when the intelligence sits and listens to the heart and both stop running does the sun filter through. The moon rises and calls to the healing sleep...... sleep. So after the exhaustion of lost running I slept. To awaken to a bright and hopeful dawn.
I sit here now to tell you that hope thrives with each new day. The cry of flocking birds scream outside my window. I watch as their shadows fly across the full heavy outstretched limbs of the crabapple tree outside my window. I can not see the birds, only the shadows racing across the green leaves of life. Tiny fragments of my pain flying skywards as the haze gives way to the day. I allow music to come back into my life. A CD from a loving man plays in the back ground. The haunting melody new to me soothes me into the day. I release my need for him as the music plays. Holding on hard only creates one to run. My animals awaken and join me. So close to me yesterday as I flew through the dark alleys of my spirit I laugh now in the remembrance of how they had to be touching me. Sitting in my lap or on the chair with me, I realize that they were drawn to the pain I was experiencing and were telling me I was loved. Having opened myself to the joy of living they now check on me.. cry out and then go back to their business of animal living. Such gifts these small spirits disguised as dogs and cats are!!! Barney climbs my lap and crawls to the small of my back. His favorite place to sit with me, the base of my spine, the home of the Kundalini energy that flows through each and everyone of us. Obi my small black priestess looks up at me cries out as if to tell me to come back now join them in this earthly plane. It is time.
I sit listening to the last songs that float through the air. Each song the beat faster and calling to come back. Sipping the coffee and smoking a cigarette I am brought back to the material world. Finding the strength to do what needs to be done in this world that I live. I am discovering once again the determination to follow the path of this plane. The pain of a spirit that is having a human experience how fascinating. We forget that we asked to come here for this experience. We crave to go home and not feel the human living on this plane. Balance returns as the nicotine and caffeine curse through this physical body I call Denise. I remember that I asked to be here. The strength lies within me to do what needs to be done. Always one that floats in the spiritual realm I now find that I will join the day and do the tasks that must be done in order to survive in the world I am living. Pay bills, find new employment, clean house, fulfill promises made. Small deeds that bring me closer to the overall goal. It is so hard sometimes for those of us that feel we do not belong here. We must realize that we are here accept the challenge and move into the day. With this awakening I now take the last few minutes of the morning gift to finish this writing, stop and say a prayer of thanks and feel alive again. The blue of the day has rescinded to a color that artists can create. A balance of divine living and earthly existence. I accept the challenge to live this day. Grace, a gift undeserved but so cherished.
Lady Lorraine du Lac
allrights reserved copyright dlt 8-9-04
I still amaze myself that I forget the consciences of deep healing. Once embarked upon the euphoria that comes through after the storm is amazing. Funny, I keep forgetting the plummet afterwards!!!! This last week of not working was one such week. Employment has an amazing quality to allow us to create a wall between the healing and ourselves. I had no such wall this week. I went through total ethereal floating to depths of dark caverns of pain. No focus on the day each second meddled with the day, the year.... eternity. Prayer was useless I felt alone and lost. The marathon started as I ran to old friends to receive comfort. The need to be told how beautiful I am, to be desired, recognition for my intelligence, the ego ran full out as I bolt from my truth. Spiritual healing is a funny thing. Just when we think we should be our closest to the Divine essence we fall to our most basic human self. Sundays seem to be my day of discovery. Filled with the deep understanding of my actions of the last week I floated in and out of balance. The day was a reflection of my emotional quality. Dark, black and heavy clouds threatened and suddenly the small ray of the sun would pierce the dense quality that loomed over head, slowly giving way to the blue of a vision. Light and open the pain floats to the sky received into the gentle palm of the all knowing. This happened at least 4 or 5 times yesterday. I can only think of Christ as he journeyed through the desert before he surrendered to his destiny. The why and how runs through our brain while the heart screams to be heard. A division so tragic as both cry for attention and love. The mental demanding to be controller and the heart gently pulsing its message through the body so strong that it draws the dense dark clouds closer to the surface threatening a hurricane in the soul. Release, tears, confession to one we love: only then when the intelligence sits and listens to the heart and both stop running does the sun filter through. The moon rises and calls to the healing sleep...... sleep. So after the exhaustion of lost running I slept. To awaken to a bright and hopeful dawn.
I sit here now to tell you that hope thrives with each new day. The cry of flocking birds scream outside my window. I watch as their shadows fly across the full heavy outstretched limbs of the crabapple tree outside my window. I can not see the birds, only the shadows racing across the green leaves of life. Tiny fragments of my pain flying skywards as the haze gives way to the day. I allow music to come back into my life. A CD from a loving man plays in the back ground. The haunting melody new to me soothes me into the day. I release my need for him as the music plays. Holding on hard only creates one to run. My animals awaken and join me. So close to me yesterday as I flew through the dark alleys of my spirit I laugh now in the remembrance of how they had to be touching me. Sitting in my lap or on the chair with me, I realize that they were drawn to the pain I was experiencing and were telling me I was loved. Having opened myself to the joy of living they now check on me.. cry out and then go back to their business of animal living. Such gifts these small spirits disguised as dogs and cats are!!! Barney climbs my lap and crawls to the small of my back. His favorite place to sit with me, the base of my spine, the home of the Kundalini energy that flows through each and everyone of us. Obi my small black priestess looks up at me cries out as if to tell me to come back now join them in this earthly plane. It is time.
I sit listening to the last songs that float through the air. Each song the beat faster and calling to come back. Sipping the coffee and smoking a cigarette I am brought back to the material world. Finding the strength to do what needs to be done in this world that I live. I am discovering once again the determination to follow the path of this plane. The pain of a spirit that is having a human experience how fascinating. We forget that we asked to come here for this experience. We crave to go home and not feel the human living on this plane. Balance returns as the nicotine and caffeine curse through this physical body I call Denise. I remember that I asked to be here. The strength lies within me to do what needs to be done. Always one that floats in the spiritual realm I now find that I will join the day and do the tasks that must be done in order to survive in the world I am living. Pay bills, find new employment, clean house, fulfill promises made. Small deeds that bring me closer to the overall goal. It is so hard sometimes for those of us that feel we do not belong here. We must realize that we are here accept the challenge and move into the day. With this awakening I now take the last few minutes of the morning gift to finish this writing, stop and say a prayer of thanks and feel alive again. The blue of the day has rescinded to a color that artists can create. A balance of divine living and earthly existence. I accept the challenge to live this day. Grace, a gift undeserved but so cherished.
Lady Lorraine du Lac
allrights reserved copyright dlt 8-9-04
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