A Fish Tale

Morgan and I are doing great and we do like living here. So does Barney. Right now it is hot around 100 the last couple of days. It amazes me that just 45 minutes away at the coast it is in the 60's and it is 100 here! There is a lot to do here. For Memorial Day we decided that we were going deep sea fishing from the Monterey Bay. We had to get up at 4 something in the morning and drove the hour to Monterey. We paid for the boat and got our beat up rods and fishing licenses. We both were excited to be out on the ocean pulling in cod fish over and over as the sea breeze kissed our faces.

I had coffee in hand of course and we packed a cooler since we knew we were going to be out there for 5 or more hours. It was chilly and there was a deep thick fog floating all around us calling for us to go find the fish. We were some of the first to hit the boat so we claimed our territory met a few of the other "regulars" on the Monterey Star (the boats name) and chattered away sipping coffee waiting for everyone to get on board. I was singing the theme to Gilligan's Island as we set up our poles, laughing with excitement about our great adventure on the Pacific.

Morgan warned me to hit the head before we took off but I did not have to go so I just sipped away at the coffee wondering when we were going to take off. Slowly the boat filled up, old men weathered by years of the salt air climbed over the edge of the boat followed by fathers with excited boys and 20 somethings that heard the call of adventure right behind. Finally we took off with the cold salt air in our face and eyes on the horizon to make sure we did not get sea sick.The boat hit a good speed as we raced over the wave tops, as I stood up making people laugh, as I pretended to be one of the crab fishermen fighting the waves from the show The Deadliest Catch.

Morgan had gotten our lines ready and I watched the ends of the well used poles bob with the waves. The coastline passed us by, as we spied sandy beaches turn into craggy cliff sides that soared into the forest covered mountains of Big Sur. It was cold with the wind in our face but worth the chill to see the coastline from this point.

Suddenly, I had to go to the bathroom, Morgan shook his head as I made my way to the cabin and stood in line for the loo. I had to stand inside the cabin for 5 minutes with the stench of the loo seeping beneath the door. I leaned against the wall and felt the flood of illness come to the top of my throat. I told myself that this was not going to happen and took a deep breath of the dirty air as I tumbled into the small stinking toilet stall. Sitting on the nasty little throne, I realized that my coffee was going to come up and I could not reach the little sink while the other end sprayed the natural body liquids from my backside. I shook my head and gritted my teeth as I said YOU ARE NOT SICK, finishing up and throwing my body out of the toilet just as the boat surged over a good size wave.

I returned to Morgan who saw the green gills and started to laugh, while giving me a worried look. I stared hard at the land focusing on the coastline for the next hour as the boat surged up and down the Pacific body. A small girl suddenly ran out of the cabin and started to hurl her breakfast over the edge just a few feet from me. I thought that was it, but I focused hard on the land and prayed for the little one. It was a long ride in the fog and suddenly the Captain said he found the fish!!

All I could think of was Yay! When we stop I will be all right! I grabbed onto my pole with excitement, praying for the big fish and a calm stomach. There was around 60 people on the boat and you could feel the excitement running through everyone because we were guaranteed to catch some fish. The boat slowed and we all stood, looking around I could see that I was not the only one who felt green around the gills. Stopping around 50 miles out to sea, the Captain said "GO Fish!" and we all threw our lines down into the green blue waters.

I stood at the side without my pole looking desperately for land, it seems that my stomach did not want to stop with the boat and I knew it was only time for me to start tossing my cookies to the sharks. I closed my eyes and sat down breathing and talking to myself. Just then this oriental young woman who I had been watching earlier as she stood in the sea winds like the starlet of Titanic, ran in front of me and started to pour her guts into the waters. That was all I could take as I joined her side by side we blew our chow into the great blue sea. As we tossed our shame into the wind, I realized that we had a bond in that moment, that soon many others would be sharing. After we were done, we laughed and felt better for a little while. Morgan was pulling up fish left and right. The older salty dog next to me was very blessed with some huge orange cods that stared up at me from the ship's deck mimicking me gulping the air.

I caught two fish with my first reel down, pulling them up I felt the waves take over again and I looked desperately at Morgan. Reading my mind he grabbed my pole as I once again began to pray to Neptune. This became the story of my fishing experience. I retched so hard for the next two hours that the world spun and I began to faint. As the dry heaves took, over my ass decided that I was going to become a musical instrument and the farting accompanied the retching. I was right next to strangers and I did not care. All I wanted to do was live through this fishing drama!! My retching got louder along with my farts and suddenly I looked up and saw that at least 40 of the 60 people on board were all throwing up with me. I of course had to be the loudest. Finally, I could breathe. I looked at everyone as said "Can you believe we paid to PUKE!" My little oriental friend said "Yeah we paid a ton of money to do this." I started to puke again and laughed.

We continued this way for the next two hours. I did get to pull in two more fish, but Morgan just amazed me. He pulled in fish after fish, threw them down on the deck, leaned over blew his guts into the ocean and tossed the line back in to catch some more.

Somewhere between almost fainting the third or fourth time after we stopped three times to fish, I began to laugh hysterically. I was past any reason. By the time the Captain said we were going back in, everyone one board had prayed to the Gods of the Sea and I was weak and could not move. I floated to another land, and began to meditate and circle breathe. I did not realize that while I was breathing and my chanting was more like a whine that repeated itself over and over.

Isolating myself from the others on board, I had lost all caring how I was viewed. I whimpered to God and moaned into the wind. This worked for a little while, but then the fish began to laugh at me as I threw myself to the railing and gave up. Surrender had come! I hung over the side with the waves splashing at me and my ass singing away with the rhythm of my dry heaves. I opened my eyes and saw a dorsal fin in the distance. My big chance to see a whale and I was floating in and out of consciousness!

We finally got back to land and I kissed the ground as we all laughed grateful to be alive. I stood on the ground and my legs went under me and now I was land sick!!! Morgan could not help but laugh because I of course made it into a dramatic experience. It felt as if the cooler weighed a thousand pounds, filled with all the food and drink that we could not even image touching while aboard the Monterey Star.

At the moment we have a freezer full of cod that I can hardly think about eating with out the heaving starting all over again. I watch the Deadliest Catch now and have a new found respect for those men who brave the seas to fill our bellies. Morgan has informed me that my sailor days are done, he will not subject me or himself having to watch my performance, to the Pacific Fishing experience ever again.

I did get 4 fish and saw a whale fin. Just as we reached the bay I felt the sun peak out and warm my face. I have a new found respect for those who make their living on the sea. While also feeling extremely grateful for my small cubicle that over looks the hills of Milpitas. They say cod are not the most intelligent fish, I have to say, that they were smarter than me that day. I can still hear their laughter floating from the freezer and I wonder, who really had the last laugh? Fish or foe, I do not know, all I can say is I am happy to be a landlubber!So that was my fishing experience. Hope you all had a good laugh like we did.